MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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