oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
