I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
