btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
