I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
