We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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