Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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