he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
