It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
