Having a random hookup so left but love u
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
