Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
