he puts the penis in happiness.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
