Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
