I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
