This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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