There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize