The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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