Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
