If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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