I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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