you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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