i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
