when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
