I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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