what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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