I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
