He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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