Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
