she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
