I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
