We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This baby is an asshole
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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