I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
