true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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