I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize