sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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