took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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