party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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