Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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