Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
