therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize