Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
