Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize