Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
