Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
