what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
