i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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