im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
