Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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