It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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