I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
