If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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