He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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