Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
