Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I will pee on everything he values.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize