garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
