glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
