He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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