You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize