I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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