Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Randomize
