So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
