Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
