Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
