Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
