She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I pour the whiskey from now on
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
