We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
