I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
