I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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