how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
