She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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