I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
