So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
