Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
