Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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