somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
third nipple confirmed
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
