i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize