At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
