My sheets look like a crime scene.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
why is half of my head shaved?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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