I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
