I want to walk on stilts...naked
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
