Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
People in love make me want to vomit
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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