Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
