i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
