I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
