I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
