I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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