I think my fart just growled at me.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I have post one night stand depression
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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