we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
