I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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