Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
