I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize