Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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