i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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