Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
